Saturday, August 15, 2020

Circling Back

 I’m honestly not even sure where to begin with this post but here I go! Jesus lead the way. Five years ago, almost to the date, I decided in my heart and soul to take on a life changing journey! For me this journey came in the form of being a born again Christian. This came as a shock not only to me but to some around me because you see I was actually born loving Jesus. I was born loving Him and being close to Him but for my journey when I turned 33 I desired a deeper connection with Him! People had always shared with me about being a “Born Again” Christian and I guess a part of me wondered if I was missing something.... 

Here’s where it gets gritty. I decided to dive head first into Christianity! I’m the type of person that believes I cannot speak on something unless I know it or have experienced it fully for myself. I’m also the type of person that when I make a commitment I give my whole self fearlessly to that cause! 


For me I wanted to know all the parts of Christianity! God carried me through the really hard parts. The parts of Christianity where I looked like a fool! The parts of Christianity where I appeared almost legalistic to some and the parts of Christianity where I had to endure lots of heart wrenching loss. The loss is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. The loss is something I hope God can heal more with time! I’m still working on that part with Him! 


I have endured quite the battle and to be honest I now understand what laying ones life down means! Some may look at “my” journey and think it was selfish but I’m telling you it was selfless because I know what this soul endured! God knows too! I honestly do feel that I understand an inkling of what the disciples had the bear through. I say that with a heavy heart and I’m not going to be ashamed to say that either!! I’m not upset that God took me through the trenches because to be honest I learned so much about the woman He made me to be! I also now know God even better! 


So...  Here I am standing naked before you all once again but here is my truth! I endured being called a Pharisee! I endured being called a hypocrite! I endured being called Hitler! I even endured being told I’m going to hell but I also know Gods Grace sustained and sustains me! Gods Grace sustains you! Gods Great Grace sustains us!!! When I began this journey I wanted to work to share the balance of Christianity and as I depart from the journey (not sure what that means yet) I realize I’ve circled right back to where I was five years ago! You see God thought I was beautiful all along! I had to go through the fire in order to understand that for my journey God has loved me the whole darn time! He thought I was beautiful the whole time! The Bible even says this in Psalm 34:10 - “Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” 

I do not believe in the legalistic Christian but I do cherish the law set before us to work towards. I do not believe in perfectionism but I do believe in working to better ourselves and be sanctified over time! I do not believe in abusing His GRACE but I do now know His GRACE is there to cover His children that believe in the work He came back to share! I’m not entirely sure where this journey will move next but it was important for me to share this with those who have stood by me and watched my journey of learning to walk with Christ through Social Media! It was a doozy! Thank you for staying! Thank you for trusting me in the process! I’m excited for the future and now know God has thought I was beautiful before this journey, in this journey and yes even after this journey. We will see what God says the next journey is!  ðŸ’œ