When Dreams flop

 Yesterday was the very special day I chose as the day I take my children for their very first horse riding lesson. You know how as a parent the things you dreamed of as a child but never fulfilled you do with your own children? Well this was one of those times. I had all these expectations, dreams and hopes which of course flopped because I probably dreamed a little too big (not the first time! 😬) about this moment but I’m honestly still working to sort that. 

The main part is I wanted to go slow. I have done so much personal work and apart of that work ive done on myself is learning to move more slowly through life so that I can take everything in, not get too over-stimulated and enjoy the moment. I guess I’ve almost come so far that when I’m now rushed I get very very irritated 🤷🏼‍♀️ and to be honest most people rush. That’s what the world teaches us to do but God teaches us to slow down. 

Bless the lady that led the adventure but it was not at all what I thought mainly because no expectations were set up. I have created many businesses and the number one thing you must do is to give your clients the run down of what to expect and allow for questions. I guess when these standards of business aren’t done right it really frustrates me. There was no enjoying the time because it all was rushed. We took this 2.5 mile walk and I would have been happy just having my kids move in slowly with brushing their horse, learning to mount a horse, learning to get off a horse and just staying in the pin to walk around slowly. Walking a full near 3 mile trail was just way more then I was ready for. Btw I also almost got ran over by a horse and a horse began to trot with my son on him! As a mother I was on edge and just felt unsafe to be honest. 

The world will rush us but The Lord will keep us nice and steady! Never be rushed into anything your heart feels your just not ready for! 

P.S. The Kids had an amazing time! 🤪🥰😃

The Squall

 Relief Will Come

The pain that you been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

90 Days Sober! It’s nice when you finally get to a place of true healing. Once there it’s amazing to just be able to work on the present rather than obsess and relive the past over and over in your mind. There was one point when I asked my husband, “Will I ever feel joy again,” He said, “Yes, you will.” He doesn’t know this but I held onto that hope that he shared with me. 

One day things did lift after years of pain and the mourning process was over. Like a large rock being thrown into a stream the Lord took the burden off my heart! I started to feel joy again and I am thankful I made it through a mighty squall. The squall was a spiritual one and often times unseen by the naked eye. That’s the hard part about bipolar depression. Everything can look just fine on the outside but the battle rages on the inside. 

Something God shared with me the other day was that the last five years we’re not always for others, or even for Him but for me “his child” to be able to heal so that He can use me for a great odyssey that lays ahead in my far future. He said, “You needed to be more resilient and that is what that journey was all about... BUILDING your resilience!” When I heard God speak this to me - I cried. This word came when I was doing an everyday activity of just driving home from the grocery store. When we patiently wait on the Lord He will show up in the most unexpected of ways. 

I share because I want people to know that if you are in a season of great suffering. Please keep holding on because there truly is hope and that grayish/ black Vail will lift. It will lift off of you. The squall will subside and you will find your relief. 

Not sure who this is for but God put it on my heart to lay down some deep words tonight. 

❤️ - Michelle