When Dreams flop

 Yesterday was the very special day I chose as the day I take my children for their very first horse riding lesson. You know how as a parent the things you dreamed of as a child but never fulfilled you do with your own children? Well this was one of those times. I had all these expectations, dreams and hopes which of course flopped because I probably dreamed a little too big (not the first time! 😬) about this moment but I’m honestly still working to sort that. 

The main part is I wanted to go slow. I have done so much personal work and apart of that work ive done on myself is learning to move more slowly through life so that I can take everything in, not get too over-stimulated and enjoy the moment. I guess I’ve almost come so far that when I’m now rushed I get very very irritated 🤷🏼‍♀️ and to be honest most people rush. That’s what the world teaches us to do but God teaches us to slow down. 

Bless the lady that led the adventure but it was not at all what I thought mainly because no expectations were set up. I have created many businesses and the number one thing you must do is to give your clients the run down of what to expect and allow for questions. I guess when these standards of business aren’t done right it really frustrates me. There was no enjoying the time because it all was rushed. We took this 2.5 mile walk and I would have been happy just having my kids move in slowly with brushing their horse, learning to mount a horse, learning to get off a horse and just staying in the pin to walk around slowly. Walking a full near 3 mile trail was just way more then I was ready for. Btw I also almost got ran over by a horse and a horse began to trot with my son on him! As a mother I was on edge and just felt unsafe to be honest. 

The world will rush us but The Lord will keep us nice and steady! Never be rushed into anything your heart feels your just not ready for! 

P.S. The Kids had an amazing time! 🤪🥰😃

The Squall

 Relief Will Come

The pain that you been feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming. Romans 8:18

90 Days Sober! It’s nice when you finally get to a place of true healing. Once there it’s amazing to just be able to work on the present rather than obsess and relive the past over and over in your mind. There was one point when I asked my husband, “Will I ever feel joy again,” He said, “Yes, you will.” He doesn’t know this but I held onto that hope that he shared with me. 

One day things did lift after years of pain and the mourning process was over. Like a large rock being thrown into a stream the Lord took the burden off my heart! I started to feel joy again and I am thankful I made it through a mighty squall. The squall was a spiritual one and often times unseen by the naked eye. That’s the hard part about bipolar depression. Everything can look just fine on the outside but the battle rages on the inside. 

Something God shared with me the other day was that the last five years we’re not always for others, or even for Him but for me “his child” to be able to heal so that He can use me for a great odyssey that lays ahead in my far future. He said, “You needed to be more resilient and that is what that journey was all about... BUILDING your resilience!” When I heard God speak this to me - I cried. This word came when I was doing an everyday activity of just driving home from the grocery store. When we patiently wait on the Lord He will show up in the most unexpected of ways. 

I share because I want people to know that if you are in a season of great suffering. Please keep holding on because there truly is hope and that grayish/ black Vail will lift. It will lift off of you. The squall will subside and you will find your relief. 

Not sure who this is for but God put it on my heart to lay down some deep words tonight. 

❤️ - Michelle

Stand back up

 So I’ve been dog sitting  and dog walking on the side. When I was living in Chicago near 12 years ago  (OMG time flys) I took a break from my sales career and became a nanny but I also had these weird fantasies 😂 of me being a dog walker and walking dogs down Lake Michigan. Lol! I know it’s kinda bizarre but this thought gifted joy. God did not give me that task 12 years ago but fast forward. 12 years and I’m now called into a season of being a dog walker! 😀😀😀

These doggies have been a blessing to me and have really nearly cured my depression. Animals can do that you know! Gods sweet gifts. Anyway, I have a funny story! I was walking this big boy named Duke this morning, he’s such a good walker! We came to an area where the sprinklers were spraying on the sidewalk. I thought it could be fun for us to run through but I wasn’t prepared for how strong his pull would be! I fell face first into the cement. Got bloody knees and all! I just sat there In pain but laughing, 

God reminded me that in this journey yes we will fall at times! We will scrape our knees. We will even get bloody but then we can stand back up shake it off and keep on walking! It’s okay to laugh because the devils tactics have no weight on us anymore! Thank you Jesus for the reminder! 

Big smiles today! 

💜

Pressing On ....

In life there will be times when we fall. After all the BLM chaos my soul took a major hit this summer! I felt so much pain and sorrow for the entire situation. I lost many friendships with ministry people I loved and adorned and still love and adore!  I was convicted of things people don’t see yet and I had to stay true to that conviction. No easy thing! The pain I felt caused me to start to head in the wrong direction and unfortunately I made some unwise choices. The pain I was feeling was just too much for me to handle. If you follow me you know I am a deeply emotion filled human. My husband has been so patient, forgiving and loving of me as I work to fight off these major spiritual attacks on my soul. 

Today, I am happy to say I think I overcame a great mountain this summer! When we fall the only thing we can do as Followers of Christ is to stand back up and PRESS ON! Tomorrow is the anniversary of me giving my life to Christ 5 years ago! I’m not perfect and God knows I make mistakes but I do know this is the right road and I do know he loves me despite my flaws. Let us press on! 💜

I must press on Philippians 3:12-14

Circling Back

 I’m honestly not even sure where to begin with this post but here I go! Jesus lead the way. Five years ago, almost to the date, I decided in my heart and soul to take on a life changing journey! For me this journey came in the form of being a born again Christian. This came as a shock not only to me but to some around me because you see I was actually born loving Jesus. I was born loving Him and being close to Him but for my journey when I turned 33 I desired a deeper connection with Him! People had always shared with me about being a “Born Again” Christian and I guess a part of me wondered if I was missing something.... 

Here’s where it gets gritty. I decided to dive head first into Christianity! I’m the type of person that believes I cannot speak on something unless I know it or have experienced it fully for myself. I’m also the type of person that when I make a commitment I give my whole self fearlessly to that cause! 

For me I wanted to know all the parts of Christianity! God carried me through the really hard parts. The parts of Christianity where I looked like a fool! The parts of Christianity where I appeared almost legalistic to some and the parts of Christianity where I had to endure lots of heart wrenching loss. The loss is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. The loss is something I hope God can heal more with time! I’m still working on that part with Him! 

I have endured quite the battle and to be honest I now understand what laying ones life down means! Some may look at “my” journey and think it was selfish but I’m telling you it was selfless because I know what this soul endured! God knows too! I honestly do feel that I understand an inkling of what the disciples had the bear through. I say that with a heavy heart and I’m not going to be ashamed to say that either!! I’m not upset that God took me through the trenches because to be honest I learned so much about the woman He made me to be! I also now know God even better! 

So...  Here I am standing naked before you all once again but here is my truth! I endured being called a Pharisee! I endured being called a hypocrite! I endured being called Hitler! I even endured being told I’m going to hell but I also know Gods Grace sustained and sustains me! Gods Grace sustains you! Gods Great Grace sustains us!!! When I began this journey I wanted to work to share the balance of Christianity and as I depart from the journey (not sure what that means yet) I realize I’ve circled right back to where I was five years ago! You see God thought I was beautiful all along! I had to go through the fire in order to understand that for my journey God has loved me the whole darn time! He thought I was beautiful the whole time! The Bible even says this in Psalm 34:10 - “Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” 

I do not believe in the legalistic Christian but I do cherish the law set before us to work towards. I do not believe in perfectionism but I do believe in working to better ourselves and be sanctified over time! I do not believe in abusing His GRACE but I do now know His GRACE is there to cover His children that believe in the work He came back to share! I’m not entirely sure where this journey will move next but it was important for me to share this with those who have stood by me and watched my journey of learning to walk with Christ through Social Media! It was a doozy! Thank you for staying! Thank you for trusting me in the process! I’m excited for the future and now know God has thought I was beautiful before this journey, in this journey and yes even after this journey. We will see what God says the next journey is!  💜

A neighbors last day

About a year ago I had a premonition! I could see an ambulance and a red fire truck pull up to my neighbors house. After I had the vision I immediately ran over to my neighbors house to make sure he was okay! I felt very pulled to talk with them and make sure he was okay.

Just a month ago the little boy down the street told us that the fire truck and ambulance came to Richards house that morning! I immediately paused! He even showed me a video he took of the trucks and it was the vision I had seen a year prior.

Richard and his wife are atheist and I have been drawn in a few times to share with them about God. Two days ago his wife called to tell me that Richard had died in the hospital. She went on to say that he died an atheist and won’t be having a funeral.

I’ve been feeling like such a failure to the kingdom of heaven lately and this news did not help the symptoms. I felt like a failed God once again! He had given me a mission and I failed the mission to show Richard the way. Yesterday one of my neighbors came over to my house. She told me that she knew of the work that I was lead to and she reassured me that we never know if Richard spoke to God right before he passed. I immediately started crying! I told her that  I feel I failed him! Then she reminded me that it’s Jesus job to save people not mine. I felt this was a message from God telling me it’s going to be okay!

Richard was a sweet old man! One time he watched my babies when I had an emergency, another time he fixed our fence when I couldn’t get it to lock! He was always looking to help people and he kept a good watch on our house! Richard we will miss you and I pray you got to meet God! I pray you allowed God to love you even if it was in the moment of your very last breath!

When you are not Liked! 👎🏻

I had a  friend of about 8 years write me on instant messenger. In all of the eight years of knowing me and following me on social media never did she once talk to me or even simply like a post. Last week she messaged me to tell me how I’m failing at my platform here! Never once in 8 years did she see anything good I’ve done, I guess 🤷🏼‍♀️, but chose to watch to wait for me to fail (in her mind but not Gods btw). She does not like my conservative beliefs that I boldly share as gracefully as possible. She said that I need a heart check because I’m not acting Christian like. I would have been happy to hear her out had she approached me in a way to learn why I post certain things but that was not the case and since she has no clue what I face daily, I really do not care to hear her opinion and decided to part ways!

I guess why I’m still slightly stirring about this is because I don’t think she understands the challenges of this calling. I looked at her page and never once does she mention about God or politics. Her page is about her son growing up, Which is a wonderful thing to share of course and I use to use Facebook for that reason too but I was called to use it for something else. I guess I don’t understand how she would even know the challenges I face building a platform like this because she has never tried it. She has no idea the challenges and heart ache it has taken me to push through these last 5 years to share an unpopular opinion which I do believe God has given me the endurance to share!

Having a platform on social media where you share your religious and political beliefs for all the world to watch and scrutinize is NO walk in the park but for me it’s a calling that I promised God I would stick to and see through! If for some reason you believe you can do it better than please by all
means give it a GO!

P.S. I will always be here for you when you hit your first road block or feel like a failure! I’ve battled through like 100 road blocks on here and I plan to battle through 10,000 more!!!

💜
- Lea Michelle
         (5 years in fighting the good fight!) ✌🏻